Fear of Sleeping

After I got my daughter she slept in bed with me for 6 months. It was extremely stressful for me at first as her mother had projected what her dad had done to her onto me and accused me of sexually molesting our daughter when it was actually she who had been molesting our daughter.

It was in K's best interest the she be allowed to cuddle with me and seek comfort after what she had gone through. I encouraged her to do what felt right. But I told her that at some point I would want my bed back. I suffered a great deal at first as I had become very sick from the abuse my ex wife had laid on me. I woke in the darkness suddenly afraid that what her mother had said was true. I would tense up and replay all the events that led up to that point laying in my bed with K and I wept for fear that I was the monster that L had said I was.

After about 6 months of stability she seemed to be regaining her composure and I announced that I wanted to have my bed back. I knew that her mother would come back in a few months after she had worked her way out of the hospitals and my lawyer told me that it was in my best interest legally for Kassia to sleep again by herself. We had a single apartment with a bunk bed. She slept in the bottom bunk and when she went to sleep I would drape heavy blankets over the bottom bunk so she had complete silence and dark at bedtime.

Those were hard times.

Posted by filchyboy at July 18, 2003 11:57 AM | TrackBack